Shootin the Ishh: Jayme's Rhymes and Ramblings

How, you ask? Nothing else mattered. Whether it was night or day, I wouldn't have known the difference. No sleeping, no eating, no breathing for that matter. Life stood still because there was no life flowing through me. Don't worry though. Slowly but surely I am reviving and I know that life will find its way back to me again. The only difference this time around, is that it will be MY life to no one else's standards but MINE.

It's day 1 to my road to recovery, refinement, and rebirth. In due time the world according to me will be aligned again. It'll be a place where my understanding will be understood and where I can find my rhyme and reason making sense once and for all. I no longer place blame for the hardships of my life on everyone but myself. I take full responsibility of not doing my part to detour a lot of these challenges and not being able to anticipate them coming. Where was I? This place called "my comfort zone". The place where I have been safely covered and routine was at its finest. A place where I could duck and hide and if danger managed to seep its way in somehow...I knew exactly how to stop, contain, and dispose to make it all a happy place again. Dispose? Well, half way I guess.

I've come to learn that although we think we dispose of certain things that mess with us, we do a rush job in order to just get one with our lives. Rather than dispose of it properly and do a sanity check for any leftover remnants that can fall off in the process, we sweep it under the rug and hope that it never surfaces. Wishful thinking forreal. Like everything, that "rug" has a capacity to be able to cover all of these thing until it just says "fuck this dude, i ain't a trash can...take this shit and deal with it". Haha, right? Well for me, that day came. I ignored the warning signs. And when the time finally came where I had no choice but to deal with everything, I turned to step into my comfort zone only to find myself locked out left with a sign saying, "under construction, completion date: unknown". I'm like WTF?

So there I was. I had to go at this demon on my own, armed with only my strength, my knowledge, and my judgment. It took me a long time to accept the fact that this is how it has to be. Regardless of what came up from under that rug...it's up to me to determine how much of it stains me. I can't expect my comfort zone to open up again to protect me from the downpour of dirt. I'm sure that the reason why it's under construction is because the rug exploded in there as well. In any case, now that I've accepted this solo mission, the real challenges begin. Sifting through the ruins to try to make sense of it all, reorganize, and properly dispose of everything that needs to be removed from my life for good. Time for tip off!