After pretty much was all said and done this past weekend, AKA my birthday weekend, my friend Sharmaine and I had a very key conversation:
Sharmaine: So Jayme, how do you feel now that you are 31?
Jayme: I feel like it took me 31 years to learn something...like I just had an epiphany
Sharmaine: What is it that you've learned after 31 years?
And so I began...
I've been told in the past that I tend to have unrealistic expectations for people and for myself. My take on that observation is that, for me, I always thought that people needed to meet a certain standard to be defined. Meaning...I'll call you a professional if you've worked your way up and have advanced enough in your career to be classified as a pro in your craft (as per Wikipedia):
A 'true' professional must be proficient in all criteria for the field of work they are practicing professionally in. Criteria include following:
- Academic qualifications - a doctoral or law degree - i.e., university college/institute
- Expert and specialized knowledge in field which one is practicing professionally
- Excellent manual/practical and literary skills in relation to profession
- High quality work in (examples): creations, products, services, presentations, consultancy, primary/other research, administrative, marketing or other work endeavours
- A high standard of professional ethics, behavior and work activities while carrying out one's profession (as an employee, self-employed person, career, enterprise, business, company, or partnership/associate/colleague, etc.)
Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.
However...
I've learned that you always have to expect the unexpected. Even if you have expectations set for people in particular, the unexpected will undoubtedly happen on more than one occasion. It's not as black and white as I thought. That is a reality and should be a part of the overall definition of professional or friendship, regardless of whatever degree. No one will ever be a perfect friend and not everyone needs to have a doctorate degree to be a professional.
It's seems pretty self explanatory, but I guess the lesson learned goes deeper than that...at least for me.
Just the term 'expectations' and how it affects relationships throughout life is a huge thing to have to understand. In a normal situation, a person would never expect their friends and/or family to ever hurt them, right? In a perfect world these people would never...it would be impossible because friends/family would never in a million years want you to feel hurt, pain, sadness, betrayal, abandoned, etc. on account of something that they did. Well... throughout my 31 years, I've come to realize that it's not that absurd. And to look at things from a dual perspective, people that are expected to pose a negative impact on your lives, can also emerge as angels going above and beyond to make the best moments in life happen.
Life is full of surprises and I think that expecting outcomes and assuming capabilities prevent us from being able to enjoy those surprises.
I learned that everything isn't on your time table. People realize things at different times. Their reactions may be delayed or vice versa and can also differ from yours. Honestly it makes the impact feel a lot more tolerable rather than feeling impact that had been marinating in pool of assumption, paranoia, disappointment and many other unnecessary emotions that can make things worse.
I know... it all seems like jibberish...but to me...I really do feel enlightened. I encountered many unexpected things within the past few days. Some negative and some positive. All I know is that nothing can be 100% what you expect it to be...seriously for better or for worse.
True, these are things that people learn years before they turn 31...but honestly, how many of those people who claim to know these lessons, actually believe and practice it? It takes real maturity and discipline to come to terms with reality. I know that I haven't FULLY grasped the practice but I have belief in it. Best of luck to all. Peace.
