In the process of getting to where you want to be in life, I'm sure people come across thousands of self-help books, quotes, advice, etc. that are published to inspire them. I know that I am one of those people.

What I've come to notice is that, sure - they make valid points...but how many of those publications really relate to my specific journey? A lot of them are just compilations of big complicated words that ramble on about things that go straight over my head, around the corner through one ear and out the other. Nothing has ever stuck like the wise ole words of Jay-Z.

As much as a person sets out to improve their life in one way or another, there are always those days when doubt looms so densely, that the outlook for the future isn't as bright as it once was. If someone were to ask me if I was ever in that situation, I'd be the first to admit that I am one of those, struggling to keep my head above water. If it's human nature to make mistakes throughout life...shit, I'm as human as they get.

I am so determined to obtain self acceptance, self sufficiency and independence. But man, I have my weak moments. If it's late at night and I can't shake some sort of issue or dilemma that I'm faced with for some reason...I get so jaded that I can't even sort out my own thoughts even if I wanted to. Then beyond that, I'm disappointed that no one is there to help me sort them out. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I'm a nocturnal person. I sleep late and wake up late because I do my best thinking after dark. With that said...when my thoughts are actually able to process...the rest of the world is sleeping so there's no one to talk to. OK, so I know one other nocturnal person however she happens to be IMPOSSIBLE to get a hold of...and I mean IMPOSSIBLE. By the time I wake up the next morning, the intensity of my thoughts will have mellowed out to the point where I just don't give a fuck anymore. It's really a sad cycle.

So, let's just say that this is one of those times. I have so much on my mind right now...cluttered beyond repair. And boy do I hate clutter. I keep my environment organized and clutter free to ensure that my brain will be the same. But yeah...nothing can protect me right now. I have thoughts that I wish I could just forget. Like, I really don't want to give a fuck about stuff but I just do. It's not my fault when things unexpectedly trigger memories...and instantly I'm enraged to tears. Then what? Tears fuel anger. Now what? What am I supposed to do? Call ghostbusters? Fuck that. I hate my state of being right now and I wouldn't wish it on other people. I wish I felt my guardian angel's presence a lot more. Maybe that way I wouldn't feel like I had to watch my own back at all times. I'd be able to let some guards down because although it may not seem like it...i'm at maximum security lock down right now. And like it sounds...it's real lonely and sad to be held in your own captivity.

Thoughts of mine that drive me insane:
What the hell am I doing? Is whatever I am doing now going to benefit me in the future? Like realistically speaking...am I just wasting my time? Is it all worth the blood, sweat and tears...worth the time and money, the sacrifices the compromises...it is somehow going to pay off? Is it asking too much for even a fraction of assurance?

I HATE people that don't respect the term "relationship" in all aspects relating to it. Whether it be a manager/employee relationship, parental/sibling relationship, romantic relationship, platonic relationship...whatever the case...do the world a favor and make sure that you are mature and honest enough and willing to work the hardest you've ever worked to keep something strong together. I'd like to extend a huge FUCK YOU accompanied with a knee to your face to:
Managers that fuck over their own employees because of their own selfish paranoia...who think that they can manipulate the system and assume that their employees aren't educated enough to see what's really going on. During times like this when the economy is struggling...you better believe it's going to be a "survival of the fittest" mentality in the workplace. It is a Manager's responsibility to ensure that the game is played fairly and impartially without using their seniority as a means to drive their employees to insanity.

Liars, Adulterers (oh yeah and that includes people who are technically married but having marital problems who feel like committing adultery would be a good way to get back at their spouse or gain the attention that they aren't getting from their spouse.) Either get a divorce or suck it up! and if there are kids involved... well you can just go right straight to fuckin HELL. i hope your kid(s) don't learn by example from what their parent(s) do. Let's not forget the outside party who gets involved with a married person. I got one perfect word for people like you. KARMA. Not to mention the Golden Rule..."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" I guess you wouldn't mind if someone else was having sexual relations with your wife or husband.

Other irritations: People who smack their mouths while they chew or eat while talking. People that don't pick up after themselves. People that assume. \People that use the government or the military as a solution instead of putting in the hard work to get yourself ahead in life. People that have cell phone but never answer them or ignore text messages that are clearly either urgent or alarming. People that complain have to complain about something even if no one else cares, regardless if it puts someone in a difficult situation. They have the "I'm not willing to adjust...you'll just have to keep adjusting and adjusting and adjusting until I'm happy. Otherwise complain complain complain" type of attitude. People that intentionally continue to do something even after they are asked to stop. No means NO. People who are not thoughtful. Fakers. Mosquitos. People who can't/don't/won't understand how a person can be Arachnaphobic. It means that someone who has Arachnaphobia, such as myself, is DEATHLY afraid of spiders therefore its not something to take lightly.

I believe that the lack of communication in relationships today, regardless of whether it is a personal or business relationship, is the cause of failed marriages, unsuccessful business ventures, health complications, violence, alcohol and drug dependency, broken homes, juvenile delinquency, and death.

A Person without the desire to obtain the ability to effectively communicate will not succeed. A Person who strives yet still struggles to effectively communicate will gain the respect that will eventually help them to reach success. Increase the Peace. Communication is Power.

Those are my words and below are the words of Susan M. Heathfield:

Interpersonal Communication Dynamics

Each of us is a radar machine constantly scoping out our environment. Human beings are sensitive to body language, facial expression, posture, movement, tone of voice and more. To effectively communicate, these interpersonal communication dynamics must match your words. Words are distantly useful for people who are scoping out the meaning of a communication.

Without awareness of the whole person, who is doing the communicating, including the factors in interpersonal communication dynamics, you miss much of what is being communicated. At the same time, if you communicate without understanding all of the interpersonal communication dynamics your listener sees and hears, you fail to use powerful aspects of communication.

Your body language, facial expression, posture, movement, and tone of voice can help you emphasize the truth, sincerity, and reliability of your communication. They can also undermine your communication if the words you use are in congruent with the message sent via the interpersonal communication dynamics.

Since communication is shared meaning, your words must send the same message as the other interpersonal communication dynamics. The consistent message ensures effective communication.

This blog entry has been a bit of a work in progress. Unfortunately I have been inundated with work, the business, and daily struggles...just know that I have not forgotten my duty to blog.

After pretty much was all said and done this past weekend, AKA my birthday weekend, my friend Sharmaine and I had a very key conversation:

Sharmaine: So Jayme, how do you feel now that you are 31?

Jayme: I feel like it took me 31 years to learn something...like I just had an epiphany

Sharmaine: What is it that you've learned after 31 years?

And so I began...

I've been told in the past that I tend to have unrealistic expectations for people and for myself. My take on that observation is that, for me, I always thought that people needed to meet a certain standard to be defined. Meaning...I'll call you a professional if you've worked your way up and have advanced enough in your career to be classified as a pro in your craft (as per Wikipedia):

A 'true' professional must be proficient in all criteria for the field of work they are practicing professionally in. Criteria include following:

1. Academic qualifications - a doctoral or law degree - i.e., university college/institute
2. Expert and specialized knowledge in field which one is practicing professionally
3. Excellent manual/practical and literary skills in relation to profession
4. High quality work in (examples): creations, products, services, presentations, consultancy, primary/other research, administrative, marketing or other work endeavours
5. A high standard of professional ethics, behavior and work activities while carrying out one's profession (as an employee, self-employed person, career, enterprise, business, company, or partnership/associate/colleague, etc.)

Or, I will call you a friend if you exemplify (as per Wikipedia):
Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.

However...
I've learned that you always have to expect the unexpected. Even if you have expectations set for people in particular, the unexpected will undoubtedly happen on more than one occasion. It's not as black and white as I thought. That is a reality and should be a part of the overall definition of professional or friendship, regardless of whatever degree. No one will ever be a perfect friend and not everyone needs to have a doctorate degree to be a professional.

It's seems pretty self explanatory, but I guess the lesson learned goes deeper than that...at least for me.

Just the term 'expectations' and how it affects relationships throughout life is a huge thing to have to understand. In a normal situation, a person would never expect their friends and/or family to ever hurt them, right? In a perfect world these people would never...it would be impossible because friends/family would never in a million years want you to feel hurt, pain, sadness, betrayal, abandoned, etc. on account of something that they did. Well... throughout my 31 years, I've come to realize that it's not that absurd. And to look at things from a dual perspective, people that are expected to pose a negative impact on your lives, can also emerge as angels going above and beyond to make the best moments in life happen.

Life is full of surprises and I think that expecting outcomes and assuming capabilities prevent us from being able to enjoy those surprises.

I learned that everything isn't on your time table. People realize things at different times. Their reactions may be delayed or vice versa and can also differ from yours. Honestly it makes the impact feel a lot more tolerable rather than feeling impact that had been marinating in pool of assumption, paranoia, disappointment and many other unnecessary emotions that can make things worse.

I know... it all seems like jibberish...but to me...I really do feel enlightened. I encountered many unexpected things within the past few days. Some negative and some positive. All I know is that nothing can be 100% what you expect it to be...seriously for better or for worse.

True, these are things that people learn years before they turn 31...but honestly, how many of those people who claim to know these lessons, actually believe and practice it? It takes real maturity and discipline to come to terms with reality. I know that I haven't FULLY grasped the practice but I have belief in it. Best of luck to all. Peace.

In today's economic situation, employment is a frequent topic of conversation in any social setting. For the first time in a long time however, it surprisingly brought a positive light to this particular conversation. I recently met someone who has, what I think is, a very unsuspectingly awesome job. And here is why:

All that is required of him is to collect "junk" that people are trying to get rid of. Like the title of this blog states, one person's junk is another person's treasure! After less than 3 weeks at his job, he has been able to collect several TVs ranging from 42" - 58", antique camera and video equipment, audio equipment such as speakers, amplifiers, etc...and I'm talking all in perfectly working condition. Rich people buy multiple amounts of 1 thing just because they can...then later realize, "what the heck did i do that for? it's just taking up space so I'm gonna get rid of it" People with obscene amounts of money, I swear. All the while he gets paid his normal hourly pay, company profit sharing, tips, and if he decides that he wants to sell these items to anyone...he gets to keep 100% of the profit! That's 4 different avenues of income in one job. I love it! Who knew that collecting junk could be so profitable!!

How, you ask? Nothing else mattered. Whether it was night or day, I wouldn't have known the difference. No sleeping, no eating, no breathing for that matter. Life stood still because there was no life flowing through me. Don't worry though. Slowly but surely I am reviving and I know that life will find its way back to me again. The only difference this time around, is that it will be MY life to no one else's standards but MINE.

It's day 1 to my road to recovery, refinement, and rebirth. In due time the world according to me will be aligned again. It'll be a place where my understanding will be understood and where I can find my rhyme and reason making sense once and for all. I no longer place blame for the hardships of my life on everyone but myself. I take full responsibility of not doing my part to detour a lot of these challenges and not being able to anticipate them coming. Where was I? This place called "my comfort zone". The place where I have been safely covered and routine was at its finest. A place where I could duck and hide and if danger managed to seep its way in somehow...I knew exactly how to stop, contain, and dispose to make it all a happy place again. Dispose? Well, half way I guess.

I've come to learn that although we think we dispose of certain things that mess with us, we do a rush job in order to just get one with our lives. Rather than dispose of it properly and do a sanity check for any leftover remnants that can fall off in the process, we sweep it under the rug and hope that it never surfaces. Wishful thinking forreal. Like everything, that "rug" has a capacity to be able to cover all of these thing until it just says "fuck this dude, i ain't a trash can...take this shit and deal with it". Haha, right? Well for me, that day came. I ignored the warning signs. And when the time finally came where I had no choice but to deal with everything, I turned to step into my comfort zone only to find myself locked out left with a sign saying, "under construction, completion date: unknown". I'm like WTF?

So there I was. I had to go at this demon on my own, armed with only my strength, my knowledge, and my judgment. It took me a long time to accept the fact that this is how it has to be. Regardless of what came up from under that rug...it's up to me to determine how much of it stains me. I can't expect my comfort zone to open up again to protect me from the downpour of dirt. I'm sure that the reason why it's under construction is because the rug exploded in there as well. In any case, now that I've accepted this solo mission, the real challenges begin. Sifting through the ruins to try to make sense of it all, reorganize, and properly dispose of everything that needs to be removed from my life for good. Time for tip off!