Shootin the Ishh: Jayme's Rhymes and Ramblings

Mr. E, BLUFIZZ, and Fran Boogie present:

GRAND PUBA & LORD JAMAR LIVE AT 111 MINNA
AUGUST 1, 2009

This is one show you do not want to miss! Check the promo for details.

In the process of getting to where you want to be in life, I'm sure people come across thousands of self-help books, quotes, advice, etc. that are published to inspire them. I know that I am one of those people.

What I've come to notice is that, sure - they make valid points...but how many of those publications really relate to my specific journey? A lot of them are just compilations of big complicated words that ramble on about things that go straight over my head, around the corner through one ear and out the other. Nothing has ever stuck like the wise ole words of Jay-Z.

Blinded by the sky beyond the clouds
scream out silent sounds
somethin is creepin with meaning so profound
i want to stare until its figure is found
as it reveals it steals me away from reality biting
senselessly nervous resort to nailbiting
though exciting i act as i look through the shaded window
tainted by the combination of dust and rain, i look again
i gain the ability to tear apart the gray
pull each shadow by its end
and make the sunshine my friend
inch by inch it unlocks its colors
while falling leaves stab me in the eye
i cry
but tears of stunned reaction
i lift up my hands in distraction
catch them as they fall with no direction
i see my reflection in the glare of his sunglasses
sweet as black cherry molasses
i squint and salute my eyebrows to glimpse what the sun brought in
the figure awaited/anticipated/and again
i see myself in the glare
i stare and watch the sparkle of my eye
die with one wisp of your soft thumb
im numb.
knees shaking as i fall to the ground and you catch me
enwrapped me/grasped me from my declining presence
your essence is now my savior
illuminate behavior that keeps life to stay pure.
JE

For those who don't know... when you walk into my bedroom, one of the first things that you'll notice is how my purple painted walls and subtle purple and brown accents create a sense of calmness and serenity. As you walk further inside and pass the chocolate brown curtains, you'll come to what looks like a brick wall. In actuality, what some may think is a brick wall, is my neatly stacked collection of PUMA shoe boxes (all labeled with which shoes it contains, of course). Needless to say...I'd really like to purchase these purple and white PUMA hi-tops. *sigh*

Irresponsible Jayme says..."my gub'ment check comes this week and a mere $60 to buy these shoes won't hurt that bad! I mean, it is on SALE and its FREE to ship! :)"

Responsible Jayme says..."i don't NEED a new pair of shoes because I already own a pair of purple Adidas kicks. Not to mention a business, a car note, insurance, mortgage, rent, bills, a dog, and a girl needs to eat and be clean (meaning food and toiletries)!"

Who reigns supreme in this battle? Responsible Jayme. To that, I reiterate the title to this post..."DAMN this unemployed hole I'm in!"

LIVE in concert will be: The Musonics, along with guest performers APlus, G-Dove, and Shawnie Bo. Come out and enjoy a good ol’ Bay Area summer night filled with good music, good vibes as well as Butter B and Big Von on the 1’s and 2’s!

Our folks at Kingdom do it again! Now in a tight collaboration with IMPRM, a new clothing line is born. Come check out the release party at the newly opened Kingdom East Bay store and keep the vibe rolling to the official afterparty at 111 Minna in San Francisco.

To get on the guestlist, email kingdomeastbay@gmail.com.

what is this world comin' to?
i can't stand the tripped out situations
mutations of what is supposed to be
the future we're supposed to see
growin' up to witness dying
lying and never trying to raise up
give up the shelter of your pillow
let go and look what lies yonder
come up with alternatives/make the choice
handle your business/utilize your voice
challenge who restrict your freedom
choose your own direction
passion and play/find that connection
compilation of goals made realistic
simplistic in style but keep it artistic
step by step
that's how we need to get it
motivation to find, that is our mission
rid broken dreams and lost visions
clean slates is what we need
be the positive and take heed
take the initiative and stand up
refuse to nurture lazy asses
its time to alert the masses
break the ceilings of glasses
there's nothing to stop you
the mission is cut clear
fear is only failure to captivity
denies your activity
towards downward mobility
humility is what to strive for
better to do than just to see
follow the dream to reign supreme.

JE

As much as a person sets out to improve their life in one way or another, there are always those days when doubt looms so densely, that the outlook for the future isn't as bright as it once was. If someone were to ask me if I was ever in that situation, I'd be the first to admit that I am one of those, struggling to keep my head above water. If it's human nature to make mistakes throughout life...shit, I'm as human as they get.

I am so determined to obtain self acceptance, self sufficiency and independence. But man, I have my weak moments. If it's late at night and I can't shake some sort of issue or dilemma that I'm faced with for some reason...I get so jaded that I can't even sort out my own thoughts even if I wanted to. Then beyond that, I'm disappointed that no one is there to help me sort them out. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I'm a nocturnal person. I sleep late and wake up late because I do my best thinking after dark. With that said...when my thoughts are actually able to process...the rest of the world is sleeping so there's no one to talk to. OK, so I know one other nocturnal person however she happens to be IMPOSSIBLE to get a hold of...and I mean IMPOSSIBLE. By the time I wake up the next morning, the intensity of my thoughts will have mellowed out to the point where I just don't give a fuck anymore. It's really a sad cycle.

So, let's just say that this is one of those times. I have so much on my mind right now...cluttered beyond repair. And boy do I hate clutter. I keep my environment organized and clutter free to ensure that my brain will be the same. But yeah...nothing can protect me right now. I have thoughts that I wish I could just forget. Like, I really don't want to give a fuck about stuff but I just do. It's not my fault when things unexpectedly trigger memories...and instantly I'm enraged to tears. Then what? Tears fuel anger. Now what? What am I supposed to do? Call ghostbusters? Fuck that. I hate my state of being right now and I wouldn't wish it on other people. I wish I felt my guardian angel's presence a lot more. Maybe that way I wouldn't feel like I had to watch my own back at all times. I'd be able to let some guards down because although it may not seem like it...i'm at maximum security lock down right now. And like it sounds...it's real lonely and sad to be held in your own captivity.

Thoughts of mine that drive me insane:
What the hell am I doing? Is whatever I am doing now going to benefit me in the future? Like realistically speaking...am I just wasting my time? Is it all worth the blood, sweat and tears...worth the time and money, the sacrifices the compromises...it is somehow going to pay off? Is it asking too much for even a fraction of assurance?

I HATE people that don't respect the term "relationship" in all aspects relating to it. Whether it be a manager/employee relationship, parental/sibling relationship, romantic relationship, platonic relationship...whatever the case...do the world a favor and make sure that you are mature and honest enough and willing to work the hardest you've ever worked to keep something strong together. I'd like to extend a huge FUCK YOU accompanied with a knee to your face to:
Managers that fuck over their own employees because of their own selfish paranoia...who think that they can manipulate the system and assume that their employees aren't educated enough to see what's really going on. During times like this when the economy is struggling...you better believe it's going to be a "survival of the fittest" mentality in the workplace. It is a Manager's responsibility to ensure that the game is played fairly and impartially without using their seniority as a means to drive their employees to insanity.

Liars, Adulterers (oh yeah and that includes people who are technically married but having marital problems who feel like committing adultery would be a good way to get back at their spouse or gain the attention that they aren't getting from their spouse.) Either get a divorce or suck it up! and if there are kids involved... well you can just go right straight to fuckin HELL. i hope your kid(s) don't learn by example from what their parent(s) do. Let's not forget the outside party who gets involved with a married person. I got one perfect word for people like you. KARMA. Not to mention the Golden Rule..."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" I guess you wouldn't mind if someone else was having sexual relations with your wife or husband.

Other irritations: People who smack their mouths while they chew or eat while talking. People that don't pick up after themselves. People that assume. \People that use the government or the military as a solution instead of putting in the hard work to get yourself ahead in life. People that have cell phone but never answer them or ignore text messages that are clearly either urgent or alarming. People that complain have to complain about something even if no one else cares, regardless if it puts someone in a difficult situation. They have the "I'm not willing to adjust...you'll just have to keep adjusting and adjusting and adjusting until I'm happy. Otherwise complain complain complain" type of attitude. People that intentionally continue to do something even after they are asked to stop. No means NO. People who are not thoughtful. Fakers. Mosquitos. People who can't/don't/won't understand how a person can be Arachnaphobic. It means that someone who has Arachnaphobia, such as myself, is DEATHLY afraid of spiders therefore its not something to take lightly.